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The Boundary ManifestoJohn writes a letter to set boundaries with Circe about visitation and parenting time with his daughter. This is something he had never done before. Circe's response is horrific, dismissive, often incoherent, completely lacking in empathy and very telling of who she really is and the narcissistic games she plays with the people in her life. At no point does she ever consider anyone else's feelings except her own, and at no point does she consider the importance of John's presence in her daughter's life. In fact, she makes it quite clear that she will oppose any attempt on his part to establish a regular parenting schedule with his daughter, something she had denied him since they were divorced. If you take the time to read Circe's entire response, you see the conflict in her own words, and toxic way she confuses the issues. She contradicts herself, often. The gaslighting in Circe's response is extreme. She denied John any regular visitation schedule; yet she speaks as if he is the one who didn't want to have a regular schedule. Her claims that Diana yelled at DD or that DD isn't safe at John's home are also not true, yet she speaks as if they were. She cricizes John for having had a discussion with DD about the situation, then freely admits she "tells DD everything" about John. Her three older children were in college at the time of this correspondence and had been raised in their father's custody; yet she claims she "sacrificed everything in her life to raise four children alone without any help". Circe left DD at her ex-husband's house with the other three children during those weeks when it was not her turn to be in the house with them with them (see "Introduction" on the home page) and even talks about it at the bottom of her letter. DD herself said the following in a statement on MySpace in June, 2010: "I have 2 brothers and a sister, who have to be my favorite people in the world. i look up to them soo much, its insane. They basically raised me to be the mature young adult i am, and have been since age 7." This doesn't sound like a 13-year-old girl who spends much time with her mother. On Sun, Jan 16, 2011 at 8:52 PM, John Smith wrote: Circe, I had a very long and productive conversation with DD on Thursday regarding recent events, including visitation. We were able to clear up many items that had become clouded during our stressed communications this week. I reassured her that she is loved and a very important part of my life. There are some critical items that you need to know regarding what DD and I discussed. These are the expectations going forward: Structured Visitation: DD understands and agrees that there is a benefit to structured visitation. Now that there have been changes in my living arrangements and casual visits are not practical, it’s very important that structure be put in place. As you and I have discussed, I will be picking her up every other weekend (next planned weekend is January 21st). Normally, visitation starts at 6pm on Friday through 6pm on Sunday. However, because DD is a teenager, she would like to keep this flexible so that she can have time for her own social activities. I agree with this and will be flexible, as long as we discuss her plans in advance and they don’t conflict with activities we may have scheduled during her visit (for example, a family dinner with her grandparents). Communication for Visitation: I will expect that you will keep a calendar noting the every-other weekend structure that is in place (starting January 21st) and that I will not need to remind you that I will be picking her up at 6pm on Friday on “my” weekends. Should there be any change in that schedule, whether due to work issues, DD’s wishes or otherwise, you can expect me to inform you by the Thursday evening before the visit so that you can plan around it. I will be flexible to the occasional request to “switch weekends” if necessary so that DD can participate in activities with you, your family or her brothers & sister. However, these arrangements need to be made in advance as soon as you are aware there will be a conflict. You will not purposely plan activities for DD during my regularly scheduled weekend with the intention of preventing her from visiting. Plan your activities for your own weekends, and I will return this courtesy and plan my activities with DD for mine. Extra-Curricular Activities: DD expressed a concern that she might miss extra-curricular activities such as baseball and wind band if she has regular visitation. I will make sure that she has a ride to/from her events and that she is able to participate in any activities she has scheduled during the weekends when she is with me. DD and I agree that there must be better communication in regards to visitation and her personal calendar of events that she is involved in. You need to ensure that I have access to all of DD’s schedules, IN ADVANCE, so that I can plan to attend when work permits. If I am not aware of an event, I can't look at my work/performance schedule to determine if I can attend it. In the best-case scenario, activities should be communicated between you and I via email or text message so that it is documented. This does not mean that I can or will attend 100% of DD’s extra-curricular events. DD understands that this does not reflect on how much I love or care about her, and so we request that you discontinue your accusations about this as they serve no other purpose than to upset her. Additional Expenses: You and I will discuss any additional expenses that DD has for school or other activities, and I will decide what my contribution to those additional expenses will be. Under no circumstances will I ever “reimburse” you for make-believe expenses like car rides provided by your husband while you are at work or school. As has been previously discussed, I will continue to pay for her school lunches, music lessons and cell phone. (Contrary to your hyperbolic claims, no one has ever discussed discontinuing any of those payments.) General Communications between you and I: DD is very concerned about the way her parents are currently communicating. She has asked that we work on speaking to each other in more civil and productive ways. I agree wholeheartedly. However, due to your harsh, rambling and accusatory emails that speak mostly of your general disdain for my current living arrangement and personal relationship, I have found it difficult (especially recently) to communicate with you. You may have noticed that when we stay on-topic, I have no problem communicating with you. An example of this is when we discussed and I made the arrangements for DD's doctor/therapy appointment. But you need to understand that I do not have the time or the energy to be pulled into a volatile and emotional conversation because you personally disapprove of the direction I am taking in life. These choices were mine to make for a number of reasons, none of which are your business. The concern between us needs to be DD and her well being. DD and I spoke about my taking steps to make sure she is in as comfortable and as happy an environment as possible during her visits. I am looking forward to her coming out and spending time in my home, and having opportunities to see all three of her grandparents and spend more time with them as well. I believe this is an excellent opportunity for that to happen. Constant phone/text messaging during DD’s visits: DD and I discussed your habit of continually texting her while she visits with me. This is a very large part of the tension during our visits. Your messaging needs to be drastically limited while she spends her time with me. By constantly texting and calling her, you increase levels of undue stress on her and enflame the entire situation. This must stop. The focus of the time DD spends with me is to be on what is happening between her and I and my life with her. By constantly texting and calling her, you shift that focus to you. I have not done this to you at any point in the past. Your time with DD is your time. I expect that same respect when she is with me. If you have concerns, you may contact me about them. I will do my best to respond promptly to your requests for anything in regards to DD and her well being. I love my daughter and I want her to be in a happy and healthy state of mind while she is with me. It is not beneficial for her to be worried about what you may be thinking, saying, planning or doing while she is with me. Once again it pulls the focus of her time with me, to thinking and worrying about you. This is yet another source of stress and anxiety that she is experiencing with you on a daily basis. Circe, this is not up for debate. If you cannot control your actions, I will be forced to either monitor DD's phone interaction or discontinue her phone service for the time she is here. This would also prohibit her from speaking with her friends, and she understands that if it happens, it would not be because of my actions, but because of yours. I will no longer allow you to interfere in my visits with her like you have on every occasion since she first started visiting with Diana and me together in November 2009. If you have something important that needs to be said, I am more than willing to communicate with you when you are acting in a civil way toward me. Unfounded and Hyperbolic Accusations (Gaslighting): Circe, your e-mails and other communication are full of unfounded, rambling and hyperbolic accusations and these must stop immediately. This has also caused a lot of confusion and insecurity for DD. During our visit, she asked me to clarify several disturbing statements that you have made to her during the last few weeks, such as: DD stated that you have voiced concerns that I would take part in some level of illegal activity, such as “kidnapping” her. You have accused me of this to my face on numerous occasions over the past year. Regardless of your personal interpretation of what “kidnapping” means, you need to realize that a reasonable person understands that “kidnapping” is the “taking away or transportation of a person against the person's will, usually to hold the person in false imprisonment, or confinement without legal authority”. Nothing could be further from the truth or intent. You will discontinue using this term to describe any visit I have with my daughter. DD also stated that you claim that should our recent problems lead to a court case or revisit of our custody arrangement, that there was a possibility that neither parent would be awarded custody of her, which would require her to live in a foster home. It goes without saying that I was shocked to hear such nonsense, and reassured her that this scenario isn’t possible. As the only possible intention for a statement like that is to cause her anxiety, stress and panic, you will refrain from making fantastical, hyperbolic statements like this in the future. Concerns About Other Family Members: DD and I agree that some of the current problems stem from her concerns the people that are considered our respective families or personal relationships (boyfriends, girlfriends, present or future spouses etc). This is a very easy concern to resolve. DD and I agree that she will speak with me in regards to any issues with the people that are related/involved with me (specifically, Diana and her children), and with you regarding the people that are related/involved with you. In an effort to end speculation and unfounded accusations, you will respect this decision by DD and I and remind her of it should she forget. DD’s Health: DD has shown increasing signs of anxiety during these last few stressful weeks while this current unpleasantness has taken place. I’m glad she’s requested therapy sessions with Dr. Gaw. DD feels that she does not have an unbiased individual to speak to about what is happening in her home/family life. She has tried talking to you and to me about this, but feels that the discussion always denigrates to "bashing sessions" of whichever parent is not present. I would like to point out that while you are very fond of suggesting that the “parent-bashing” is one-sided, DD is equally concerned about your confusing (and somewhat disturbing) comments that have been made in her presence about me. This is causing her an elevated level of stress and confusion and is contributing heavily to her recent relapse of anxiety spells. I have assured DD I fully support her request for therapy and feel she will be able to find good answers there. Dr. Gaw will be able to help her in an unbiased way. If necessary, I will participate in any area of therapy that benefits her well-being and increases her personal confidence in her family relationships. I have reassured her that if she would like (or if Dr. Gaw requests) for me to join her in therapy sessions, I will do so. DD mentioned to me that she has commented to you on numerous occasions over the past week to let this situation rest, stop “fueling the fire”, and calm down so it can then be dealt with in a more rational manner. If you are serious about her well-being, you will respect her request and try to make your home as calm and non-stressful as possible to speed up her recovery. Other Concerns: DD and I had discussed our feelings before, during and after my move to the west side and I felt confident that she had accepted the new situation. Especially at Christmas, after straightening out some misunderstandings about the length of the visit, DD seemed comfortable and happy. She had many hours of “Daddy/Daughter” one-on-one time, and Diana and I had a great time visiting with her. But in the couple of weeks since then, when she has been solely under your influence, something changed. She became increasingly anxious and seemed concerned that she would not be able to spend time alone with me going forward. She had not experienced this during her visit and I did not tell her it would be the case, so I was confused about where those thoughts were coming from. Circe, DD described the constant comments and commentary that have been taking place by you in regards to my recent change of residence to Westlake on 12/1/2010. This came as no surprise, as I can confirm this as well due to text messages that you sent to me. In these messages you describe my move as an “act of abandonment of DD”. DD states that you make comments about this with some regularity. For the health and well being of DD these comments must cease. If DD is having difficulty accepting my relocation, this is something she and I will work out together. You state that you’re “concerned” about her transition, but since it is out of your control, there is nothing you can do to help this situation except let DD and I handle it as we see fit. Circe, since you can’t control your hyperbolic and destructive comments and behavior, your input is unwelcome. In our conversation I reiterated to DD my commitment to assist her with this process. I have made myself available to her via cell phone/text message (since this is the best method of communication for both of us) at any time. The time a parent spends with their child is very important. DD has had the luxury of years of time with just me to focus on when we would see each other at my house. I understand that she is afraid that she will now not have that time with me. As I told her this will not be the case. There will be opportunities to do things on our own. There will also be times where she will be included in activities with Diana and Charlie too, just as it would be in any relationship situation you have had in the past. Once the stress and anxiety has been cast aside because of the unnecessary drama you have created, we can all move forward again. Contrary to what you want to believe, I have seen DD very happy during her visits here, singing and laughing just like she does when she is feeling content. I’m very confident that she will adjust to this new situation before too long, just like she has had to do so many times in the past as her mother travelled from relationship to relationship. Contacting My Family: Because you refuse to behave in a reasonable manner, you are no longer permitted to correspond with any members of my family or friends. You are not and have not been a member of the Dregne family since our divorce 11 years ago, yet you continue to correspond with my family with the intent of disrupting and alienating the relationship between myself, them and DD. This must stop. For example: Over the past two years, I have been informed of events that you coordinated with my father without my knowledge. I was not made aware of any of these events until either they had already happened or were about to occur (leading, of course, to another false claim by you in front of my family that “Daddy doesn’t care.”). In the future, you and/or DD will make me aware of all of DD’s extra-curricular activities, and I will inform my family of these events and give them the option to attend if they like. Additionally, I will be responsible for making arrangements for them to see and/or visit with DD during our bi-weekly visits, so you need not concern yourself with this. You also confuse arrangements that have already been made between my family and I, even though you don’t have any idea what is going on. For example: On October 8, 2010 I was informed by my father via e-mail that you had called my stepmother to let them know that the birthday plans they had made for me were changed and DD would not be attending. This was confusing for everyone involved, since I had heard nothing about this change of plans. Later that evening I received a text from DD asking about the event – she wanted to know if her boyfriend Andy could join us – which seemed to conflict with the information that had been given by you to my stepmother and my father and then to me. At no point was there any mention by DD or you to me that plans had changed. DD and Andy did join us for dinner as originally planned. During a subsequent conversation with DD, I asked her what happened. Initially, she seemed confused, so I passed on the story of the “change of plans” to her. After a few moments of thought, she said that what I told her "explained a lot". DD further went on to say that you had been discouraging her from coming out to see me for my birthday in the days leading up to the visit. According to DD, you had even told her multiple times that she “did not have to” come out if she was ”upset or angry” with me. DD said that she repeatedly told you there was not a problem and she was happy to come out. You confused her by this behavior. Circe, I hope you understand that your interference and attempts to prevent DD from coming with me could be considered an act of covert sabotage by you. So because of your irresponsible actions, your tendency to create drama where none exists and your demonstrated lack of self-control, you have lost the privilege of contacting my family and friends. Any further attempts by you to contact them are not welcome. This should not be difficult since you have chosen to only speak with my stepmother Gayle (knowing that she is the only one that would be kind enough to communicate with you). I have now spoken with her on multiple occasions (including at our recent visit for the holidays) and let her know that I do not want correspondence to continue between you and her. Additionally, there are to be no visits by you to their residence or any other location. If there is a reason for DD and her brothers and sister to come visit them, I have informed Gayle that I want it coordinated through me. If she has questions in regards to DD's brothers and sisters she can contact DD or me for that information. There is no reason for you to be involved and have communication with them going forward. Finally: You have mentioned in documented voice mails and text messages to me and to Diana that you are seriously considering legal actions toward us. I would like to caution you and hope you actually think long and hard about what you are considering. Just because I am no longer under your "personal jurisdiction" does not give you the right to continue to harass and threaten me (and the others around me) in hopes that I will somehow change my own personal path. I will not move back to Lake County because YOU are upset and keep trying to convince DD that my decision was because of my lack of love for her. If you want to see the damage that is being done you have no further to look than at your daughter that you constantly claim to love so much. As DD said to me, her anxiety attacks started about 2 weeks ago. I had not seen her during that time which points to one parent that could be causing these relapses. If DD is petrified of any true fear, it is that we will wind up going to court and turn her world upside down. I have told DD that going to court for some type of legal battle against you is the last thing I would want to do because it is not in her best interest. I cannot imagine forcing our daughter to get up in a courtroom to talk about her parents and their issues all because you are upset that I moved. Are you ok with knowing that it is very possible that her world could change in a moment because of your issues with me? Is that another "sacrifice" you're willing to make? Is that loving our daughter? Circe, I remained in Lake County for 11 years after our divorce. DD is 14 years old now and she should not be having the unfounded fears and anxieties you are putting on her on what seems to be a daily basis. I will continue to pay child support like I have since we were officially divorced. I will continue to participate and support DD in the events in her life as they happen just as I have for the past 11 years. As I have reiterated in this letter, I will look forward to my visitation time with DD every other weekend. Nothing will change about these actions. It is obvious that the only person that cannot live with the decisions that I made, and who is making everyone's life more uncomfortable, is you. I am not and have not been your husband for over 11 years. In case you have forgotten, you are no longer my wife. You did the leaving 10 years ago. Now I have finally moved on. I think you should consider doing the same (with your husband of almost 2 years) for the sake and sanity of our daughter. John Circe's Response From: Circe Smith Sent: Tuesday, January 18, 2011 2:53 AM Structured Visitation: For 12 years, you have never once adhered to a structured schedule. Your plans came first and that was the final outcome. You expected me to just accept responsibility for DD with no regard as to how it effected me and my plans. You had no issue with dismissing any requests I had for your help and assistance with DD's needs, stating " you had other plans", and that was the end of the subject. You have never followed a regular visitation plan. I highly doubt that since you attempted this since last July but only kept to the plan for two weeks that this will be an issue . With in the month, you will change your mind, cancel a weekend visit, or request a "switch". it is your history. It is your history... The court would look at what has been "usual practice" for us and see that there has been total inconsistency with visitation habits. So I am afraid that your demand to have DD has zero impact on me. I will do what DD wants and only what DD wants. Your needs are no concern of mine. Communication for Visitation: Again, what you "expect" has no bearing on me and my choices, John I have had to cope with a million disappointments surrounding unrealistic expectations of you as a father. DD is correct, I need to accept what you are, and your limits as a person,and not take it personally. That is what she has done, and I can see that it is working out well for her this past week. She has accepted who her father is. And if one has no expectations, than one will not be disappointed. I need to follow her lead. You will not be dictating my time with DD. I will ask DD what she wants, and that is what I will do. You have not earned the right to be calling the shots even though I allowed you to do it for 14 years. As you can see, my counselor is also doing a good job of helping me see how I did nothing but enabled you all these years by letting you warp my life into basically being your "full time babysitter" so that you could see Liz when it was convenient for you and then hand her back over when you didn't want to be bothered any more. Well, I have not only covered for your responsibilities all these years, I have also legally earned the right to call the shots. Only I never knew that before. The courts will only look at our history while determining visitation if we can't agree. And if we can't, they will look at your history of "hit and miss" visitation. Your history defines you. All the new language you like to use now as your evidence that you are a stellar father will not wash away your past. Extra-Curricular Activities: It is not my responsibility to be your personal secretary. You have access to all the same resources I have to see what DD's scheduled events are. And why would it matter even if I did notify you? You knew of her cheer leading dates and 50% of them occurred less than 3 minutes from your doorstep, yet you attended zero events. So exactly how do you think my bringing her activities to your knowledge is going to increase your chances of attending? I can't help the fact that you do not talk to DD daily to see what she has going on. I need to "ensure that you have access to all of DD's schedules". ha. that's funny John. How did you put it last week? "you're an adult. you ask her". Wow, seems like that's pretty good advice. I ask DD an average of 3 times a day what the plan is so I know how to respond. Do I really have to guide you through this simple parental act? Really? It's called the internet and it's called a telephone. I'm not KEEPING information from you John,. It just never occurs to you to ask. Additional Expenses: Again, Ohio revised code on child support: (let's paraphrase) If you are unable to uphold the responsibilities of your once-a-week day and every other weekend, which for you was pretty much 3 times a month, than half the child care costs fall on your shoulder's. The South Carolina trip was for work. I had CPC work related events that I needed to be out of town for. I'm the president of the company; that was what needed to be done. (you are welcome to review our accountants records concerning the nature of the business trip) I repeatedly asked you for assistance with DD's care. You ignored me. Between Other Daughter and Younger Son, I gave them $140 to cover gas, food, and time to take care of our daughter. Half that cost is yours to bear. If you didn't want to do that, than you should have either taken care of her, or found less expensive care for her. Personally, Bob C has paid upwards of $100 per day for his child care when he's gone out of town and his ex wife didn't want to have the kids full time. Would have rather I asked those young woman to watch her instead and hand you a bill for $250? I believe you got off easy with $70. You are welcome to pay that at any time, by the way. Oh, and concerning your unwillingness to compensate Bob C for his time to drive DD while I am at work. We have two choices: we either pay Bob C to do it, or we rent a Taxi. But either way, this is how this works in civic court concerning divorce. You had NO idea how easy I had made it for you all these years. Or, maybe you had. Which is why you so grossly took advantage of me. Regardless, it has come to an end. The statements will be drawn up and you will be billed. I'm curious to see if you really have the courage to stand in a court of law and admit that you do not want to be concerned with your daughter's needs while she is not in your care. You call these statements of mine "hyperbolic" and "made-up". You forget, John, Bob C is in a expert in contractual law. Do not fool yourself into believing that just because you found a new word in the dictionary that it will somehow disguise your involvement in trying to distract me or anyone else from classifying your lack of involvement as being anything less than irresponsibility. General Communications between you and I: Harsh rambling? Your girlfriend , while un-provoked, verbally attacks your daughter while at school and fires off 4 hours of personal attacks towards me that have no bearing on the the situation at hand while you sit and allow it ....and you want to suggest that I need to work on civility? Talk about unfounded; the woman doesn't even know what she is talking about. She has heard your one-sided warped opinions of me and you believe that this constitutes a non-bias accurate assessment of my parenting skills. The proof is in the pudding, as they say. I think I have 30 or 40 supporters of my parenting techniques to off set the ramblings of one controlling girlfriend. And the general "disdain" you mention in reference to my concern for your present living arrangement? I honestly could care less if you moved to the top of a Tibetan mountain as long as it didn't involve my daughter. My shock and horror for your living arrangement stems from the fact that you allow your pit-bull Diana to verbally and aggressively approach my daughter and intentionally attempt to demean her and insult her for reasons that are ludicrous. Yelling in DD's face because your day was "completely ruined because she was so selfish to expect to be taken to Anna's, who lives 4 minutes away". Rreally John, you find this behavior acceptable? THAT is the qualm I have with your living arrangement. The fact that after all these years*, DD has grown more and more strong in her hate and disdain for your live-in partner, and you say things like, "this is where I live now, Tough. Deal with it". Those are the details that make me wish you would have just moved to the other side of the planet if you insisted on her for a room mate. It has nothing to do with you, John. Never in the past have I intentionally kept DD from you. I have not been thrilled about the company you kept. Pat, Dave living in the house, Dr. Scott who DD is uncomfortable around....nothing. I allowed it all. In fact, I encouraged you to keep Amy in her life. She loved Amy. *[Note: At this point, John has been living in Westlake for six weeks and in a relationship for 1 year, 4 months] But now that you have this person that NO ONE that I know who has met her likes that is constantly trying to force herself onto my daughter with texts, facebook stalking, seriously, does she not understand she is hated by DD and DD just wants her to stay as far away from her as possible? Like DD told her, Diana has no bearing on her life. She wouldn't care if she never saw her again. But you think that this is a healthy situation to put our daughter in? It is not, and THAT is the only qualm I have of her being with you. Think back, John. When have I ever pushed this hard to protect DD against your choices? And when you said that you never gave me a hard time about my choices.......seriously? You verbally abused me for the first 2 years when I left you for Greg. I have nightmares about those conversations. Your words were intended to hurt and nothing but hurt. And those actually had NOTHING to do with DD. At least my grip is SOLELY about DD. John, what you don't know about what your dad says about you could fill a book. But that's for you and him to discuss. But you are not impressing me with your threats that I can not talk to your dad and stepmom. You feed them lies about me that are so far from the truth. No wonder he thinks we're incompetent as parents. Is that what you want? I talk to your dad and stepmom because I need perspective. Your dad called me on the carpet hard last time I talked to him. Did I run and whine about it? No, I did exactly everything he told me to do. Was I embarrassed? sure. he told me I needed to be a better mom by getting DD to a psychologist. So I did. Do I wish your Dad could slap some sense into you? Sure. They say they try every time they see you. But it's because we all want the same thing! We just want you to realize that you have 2, maybe 3 years left with DD. And you're going to spend it living almost an hour away from her? With a woman she absolutlely despises!? You're going to make yourself so busy and unavailable that you can't help me and be involved with her needs and sit back and watch 2 other men that aren't her dad do it for you? Like I said, I don't care what happens to you. I just want my daughter to see her daddy under her conditions instead of always always always yours. And I want her to be comfortable when she is with you. Not fearfull of saying or doing something that will "set Diana off". Constant phone/text messaging during DD’s visits: Sorry, when my duaghter texts me that she hates where she is, she hates Diana and she wishes she was home,...and I have no idea where she exactly is at but, I can't get a hold of her dad to even find out where she is and when she is coming home. sorry....i'm going to kept texting. wouldn't you? What you forget is that every single visit that involved Diana involved drama before the visit even started. and it wasn't MY drama. it turned INto my drama. it turned into everyone's . but to sit and blame it solely on me??? come on John. you know as well as I do that each person carried their part of the responsibility for everything that has ever ever gone wrong with those 5 visits. so own up to it, because hate doesn't become you. You would turn off your daughter's phone so that she can't talk to her mom during your visit? You make vague plans, vague arrival times. You don't answer the phone, tell me where you're going. When you do have her, you make poor choices like taking her on a school night to go eat dinner at 9 pm at a bar......ya, gee. i don't know why i want to know my daughter's where-abouts. And you think DD is going to accept you turning her phone off because you and Diana just have to be in control??? ya, that's a good move. try it once and see how it goes. oh, ya, and don't forget to say it's all mom's fault too. Because the two of you are perfect and know exactly what you're doing at all times and are never wrong. Unfounded and Hyperbolic Accusations: My sister Jane has a brother-in-law that is a police officer. It was discussed, it was concluded, when you took DD with you to your friends house without my permission, your actions fell into the catagory of kidnapping. For more than one reason. I explained that to DD so she understood why I was so upset with your choices. She said she understood. She also said she was greatful that the police could get involved so that Diana could stop freaking out and getting away with it. The words "legal authority" is what you ignore. I have yet to give you permission to take her to Diana's yet you do it all the time. I tolerate it to keep some amount of peace, as a good will gesture, and EVERYTIME i get messages from my daughter stating that she doesn't want to be there. John, tell me, wouldn't you do the same thing???? All of these statements you are making are 100% out of context. why don't you try asking me about the conversation surrounding these statements? DD and I talk for hours every day, John. Hours. you can't just pull out four or five sentenses and base a judgment not know what the whole conversation was about. Also, it is not unreasonable for a court to give temporary custody to a family member or foster home while a domestic suite over custody is being completed. and that statement that I made was to ensure DD .....ensure her that I was going to try and avoid that from happening. to let her know A, this is serious. and i am approaching it seriously because her well being is at stake. B, I needed to hear and understand exactly everything what her situation was at your house and know that she wasn't jsut blowing things out of proportion so that I wasn't getting riled up for nothing. Do you understand what I just said?? That's called giving you the benefit of the doubt. Listen , John.....i Do no want this to progress in a dangerous direction. however, you do not seem to notice the seriousness of how unhappy your daughter is with you living with Diana in westlake is. And now, she's just like, "what ever....i don't care.. i'll just go over and pretend it's ok. it'll be fine. i'll live" that's what you want for her? DD’s Health: interesting. cuz, she told me to stop expecting you to do something better because it wont matter. you won't anyway. you're only going to do what Diana wants you to do and DD adn I don't really matter, my opinion doesn't matter. i think maybe DD doesn't want to see me upset. she already knows you don't care what happens to us.
what are you mad at?
God, John.
YOU sit and ignore the kid, hurt her, leave her sad and crying constantly. leaving her to question her self, your love, your commitment to her....
and yet you waltz in and say a couple, "i love you's" and a couple, "mom is nuts" and POOOF, all is forgiven.
oh boy..................
god John
On Tue, Jan 18, 2011 at 9:18 AM, John Smith wrote: I read it all. It would have been great. Promises were made, but I wasn't the one who broke them. You can wish all you want, but as I said in the other email:
On Tue 1/18/2011 1:03 PM, Circe Smith wrote: Welcome to the mood rollercoaster. put on yourself belt. it's gonna be a ride ! but, you like roller coasters. i promise, it comes out great at the end.....no....don't read ahead ! that's cheating.
Get a lawyer, John. you will be needing one. I have an appointment to meet with one myself. You are going foster or neglect a relationship with DD how ever you think you need to. And i understand that by my expectations and the expectations of those around you, you fall short in that department, but that needs to no longer be my problem. everyone has tried to get you to see how much you have missed of your daughter's life. and how it has hurt her tremendously. and how i felt badly that you were missing out on so much and so was she. but, like she has said for years and years, she has lots of people that love her. it's ok if her dad doesn't. "his loss". She had Jeff K. to love her and help take care of DD (and support her mom, especially because you didn't). And now she has Bob C.... and Greg, to this day, would move heaven and earth if I asked him to for that little girl. She truly only "needs" you because some gene in our human chemistry beats our brains into feeling some sort of obligation to be close to our "blood kin". It's a survival thing and nothing more. You are her "friend" at best. she can logically tell you, "i understand that you live on the west side. i understand music comes before me. i understand attending some rock concert comes before me. i understand diana comes before me". you practically made it a mantra for everyone to recite. However, the law defines the parameters of what the sperm donor needs to follow, and that is what I am going to fight for.
yes, I left you for Greg. We lived in a beautiful home and DD has good memories. No situation is perfect and that one had flaws. So I did the responsible thing and left Greg.
DD and I have no respect for your weight issue-- your choice, your fault. no one else's.
because it's always about ......you....always........ anyway,. back to the "me wanting to still be your wife". hahhahaha
i cried hard,,,, and told DD how tired i was of being everyones' excuse for why they are allowed to be mean and irresponsible...and how i am so so so so tired of being the door matt....and how if i complain about being the door matt, then i get stepped on even harder...."get down there closer to the floor, girl. you only gave 100% and i want %150 and no complaints while you're at it." and you know what? DD even respected that too. because , she said that she didn't realize i was that upset because i never showed it. and she didn't realize how hard all of this has been on me. ( i hated her knowing i was hurting. i felt terrible about it. she IS NOT a burden and i never want her to feel that way about herself. i tell her constantly, everything is not a problem, because i never ever want her to feel like a burden like everyone in my life makes me feel ) she respects that i would do anything for her. spend my last dollar on her. give up anything to drive her around.
but, the question really really stands
I said, "I just did what came naturally. i loved you unconditionally. i tried to be a constant example of how to be a good person."
and the whole issue of leaving her at Jeff K's house????
she still does at times. it IS HER HOME away from home. she was welcomed and taken care of. she was loved. she had everything she needed and wanted. Jeff K gave her everything he had to give, as if she were his own. She called him Daddy even when we told her not to. He felt so sorry for her cuz you were so distant. He told everyone he met that he had 4 kids !
i don't want to go to court.
why can't you just say thank you???!!!!
Christ, just call me
and it kills me to say this, but DD loves you because you are a good guy. you are funny, and talented, and thoughtful, and silly, and a good cook, and a passionate man and have a good heart and your' funnier than all get out ! and a whole bunch of other things that i can't put it to words, but they are all good. BUT I DON"T WANT TO BE YOUR WIFE!!!! eeewwwwwwwwwwwww.....
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