After weeks of no contact with his daughter and months after the court hearing, John and Circe's attornies finally work out a day to start the court-ordered parenting schedule. This is a journal that John kept over the course of that weekend. It is a very typical representation of what John's visits with his daughter had been like for years, and the last time DD would spend the night at John's house.
Thursday, 1/26/2012
9:00am: I receive a text message from DD to tell me that she planned to attend a wrestling meet after school on Friday, and asked to be picked up at 7pm from the school. I sent a reply to let DD know this was ok with me, and that I would see her at 7pm the next day.
Friday 1/27/2012
2:00pm: I am informed via a voice message left by DD's stepfather that DD was taken out of school earlier that day for what was described by her mother as an “emotional anxiety attack”. He instructed me to call later that afternoon to find out if Circe would allow me to pick up my daughter for parenting time this weekend.
4:00pm: Per the direction of DD’s stepfather, I called the home to find out what was going on. No answer. I left a message for someone to call me back and clarify if I was picking DD up from her home or from the wrestling meet which she had told me about the day before.
5:45pm: Left work. Called Circe's house to let her know that I would be there shortly to pick up DD. Again, no answer. Left another message stating that I was not sure where to pick DD up because of her illness earlier in the day. Since no one was home, I also said in the message that I would try going to the high school field house where the wrestling meet was taking place to see if DD was there.
6:00pm: Arrived at DD's school to find DD and her mother at the wrestling meet. I walked over to them and asked DD how long the meet would last. DD said she was not sure. When I asked if it she thought it would be around 7 or 7:30, she said maybe. I told her I would be back in a little while and left the field house to get dinner at Arby’s.
6:40pm: Returned to field house and sat with DD and her mother for the rest of the wrestling meet. Talked with DD and made light jokes and about the matches going on. DD seemed uncomfortable sitting between us for the meet and did not say much. Circe did not speak at all.
7:15pm: End of the wrestling meet. DD’s boyfriend Jake came over to meet us. DD wanted to talk privately with him for a moment, so Circe and I walked out and headed to our respective vehicles. I got in my car and pulled over to meet DD at her mother’s vehicle.
7:25pm: DD jumped in the back seat of the car. I noticed that DD did not have her French horn with her for her scheduled orchestra rehearsal on Sunday afternoon, and asked if we needed to go back to her house to get it. That's when DD informed me that she had to return home on Saturday evening to work on a school project with some friends. I said "Ok - we can pick the horn up tomorrow, then" but did not tell DD that she could spend Saturday night at her friend's house. Circe got out of her car, opened my passengers side door and wanted to know my plans for the weekend. I told Circe that she could pick up DD from orchestra rehearsal on Sunday at 6pm, as was stated in the document sent to her by both of our attornies, and suggested that she not worry about the rest of the weekend since I would be responsible for getting DD wherever she needed to go. Unsatisfied with this, Circe insisted that DD needed to come home Saturday afternoon so she could drive her to her friend's house for her school project. I reminded Circe that DD was scheduled to stay with me for the weekend per our visitation agreement. I told her that I just found out about DD’s project and I would be fine with driving her back to her friend's house for it. From the back seat, DD said she needed to pick up her camera and other things for her project from home. I said that would be fine. I told Circe that I would drop DD at her friend's house, then pick her up and take her back to my house Saturday night. Circe slammed the door and walked away.
7:35pm: Finally on our way home. DD and I talked a little during the first part of the drive. I asked DD if she was feeling better and that I heard she'd had a hard day. “Yeah," was all she would say. I told her that if it would make her feel better for the ride home, I had a set of headphones she could use to listen to music, but she had some in her ears already and would say nothing more for a while.
8:00pm: My mother called my cell phone, which I handed to DD so she could talk with her grandmother. They spoke for a few minutes and she gave me back the phone. Asked DD if she was hungry or wanted to stop at the convenience store for anything, but she declined the invitation. We did not talk the rest of the way home.
8:15pm: Arrived home. DD and I walked into the condo and she went directly to her room and closed the door without saying hello to anyone else. She stayed there the rest of the evening.
9:00pm: I wrote a lighthearted note that I put under DD's door, again saying that if she needed anything to let me know. She did not come out or respond. Diana checked on her at about 9:45pm and noted her light was off in her room, so she didn't knock or open the door.
Saturday 1/28/2012
9:45am: Went up to DD’s room to let her know Diana and I would be going to the West Side Market. She was still sleeping, so I woke her up enough to ask her if she would like to come with us. She declined. I told her we could wait for her if she wanted to wake up and come along, but she still did not want to go. I said ok, gave her a kiss on her forehead and said "I love you", then walked out and closed the door. I left her a note on the dining room table that said we can get her a Gyro from Steve’s at West Side market and to let me know if she needed anything. Diana and I then left to go shopping.
11:35am Back from the market to find DD on the couch watching TV. We had brought her a gyro for lunch, but she said she already ate. I sat down at my computer in the same room DD was in and chatted with her while she watched TV. She gave me short answers to my questions and did not seem interested in talking.
12:50pm: Went downstairs to prepare for a music lesson I had to teach. DD went in her room and closed the door.
1:50pm: After the lesson, I got back on my computer and opened Facebook. DD had posted a picture of herself from the bathroom whlie in her pajamas, and another cryptic post earlier that morning that read “Obviously, you don’t get it.” I assumed it was for me since I was trying to include her in our activities.
2:00pm: Since she would not come out of her room but was on our spare computer, I spoke to DD via Facebook Instant Message to let her know Diana and I were going to go to the furniture store nearby, and asked if she wanted to come along. She replied that she didn't want to go. When I asked her if we still had to leave at 5pm to go across town to start the project at 6:00 with her friends, she stated that we now had to leave at 4:00pm. This was because she had to stop at her mom's house for an hour so she could shower and get ready there.
When I asked DD why she couldn’t get ready here, she claimed she didn’t have the stuff she needed. I was really surprised by this and offered to buy her clothes if she needed them, but she said she had a specific outfit she wanted to wear. I said fine and said we would be ready to leave at 4:00pm. We went to the store, but were only gone for 45 minutes.
2:50pm: Came back from shopping to find DD on the couch again, this time watching the movie “Finding Nemo” (one of our favorites) on Disney Channel. She was lying face down on the couch. When the movie came back from a commercial break I jokingly asked why she didn’t tell me Finding Nemo was on. She got up and turned around and said “What? You weren’t even here!” and laughed. It was the first smile I had gotten from her the entire time she had been with us. Diana asked me if I wanted cream and sugar in my coffee, which surprised DD. "Are you drinking coffee now?" she asked. I explained to her that I had started drinking one cup a day. DD was now more upbeat and personable then she had been to this point.
3:00pm: After about 15 minutes, DD asked if she could open her Christmas present (I had not seen her since Thanksgiving). Diana joined us as DD opened her gifts. DD was very appreciative of what she received, especially a rhinestone french horn on a white-gold chain, and became chatty and animated. She explained more about her project and what she was doing. DD, Diana and I watched the end of Finding Nemo together.
4:30pm: Halfway to DD’s mothers house, she informed us that her friend had moved the time of their meeting back to 7:00pm. DD asked if we could go to dinner since there was a delay, and Diana and I agreed this would be a great idea.
5:15pm: After stopping quickly at DD’s mothers to pick up her french horn and change clothes, DD, Diana and I went to The Winking Lizard nearby for dinner. We talked and joked and had a good time talking about general topics (school, boyfriend, a nursing internship she was interested in).
6:25pm: Left Winking Lizard to take DD to her friend’s house and dropped off DD at 6:45pm. Since she was not sure what time she would be done, I told to DD text me when she was ready to be picked up.
7:05pm: DD sent a text to let me know they would be done by 8:30. Since I was driving, Diana used my phone to text back a message: “Awesome, we will be there.”. But the message did not go through and an error popped up on the phone:
(x SMS destination error 98. Message ID 3)
Destination not authorized to receive.
I pulled the car over and tried to call DD to see if I could reach her that way and received the same message. That's when I realized that DD's mother had blocked me from contacting DD on her phone. I was now unable to contact DD to let her know I would be back to get her at the time she requested. Fortunately, even though Circe had ordered Diana never to call or text DD, Diana's number was not blocked. Diana was able to text a message to DD from her phone to let her know that I could not respond, but we would still be there to get her at 8:30. Diana asked DD to text her phone if there were any changes. DD responded by saying Ok.
8:00pm: DD texted Diana to say they were finished and asked if we could come get her. Diana texted back that we were already on our way.
8:20pm: Picked DD up and we headed home. DD was again very sullen and spent some time texting with her mother from the back seat. There was no conversation between us and we did not talk about the Circe's attempt to cause drama by blocking my number from DD's phone. I mentioned that Diana and I may watch a movie when we got home. DD said she was probably going to talk to her boyfriend in her room and go to bed. I said ok. DD listened to music on her iPhone with headphones and we drove back to the condo.
9:45pm: Stopped at the grocery store, then arrived home. DD went to her room and closed the door and went to sleep.
Sunday 1/29/12
9:45am: Went to DD’s room to see if she would like some coffee and she was still half-asleep. I told her I would make her some coffee when she woke up, then started making breakfast.
10:15am: DD came down to the kitchen. I gave her a hug and we talked about breakfast. She made herself some coffee and toast and came upstairs to watch TV with me.
11:00am: DD and I went into her room and we set up some speakers on the laptop she was using so she could listen to music. DD went through the clothes she had left in her drawer from previous visits the year before and got rid of the stuff that didn’t fit her anymore. She told Diana she was surprised that so much of it didn't fit. I let DD know we would be leaving at 1:00pm so I could drop Diana and Diana's younger son Max at Diana's brother's house before I took DD to her rehearsal at CSU. DD said okay. Diana and I left DD to get ready and closed her door. DD stayed in her room singing along to the songs she was listening to and sounded very happy and comfortable.
12:55pm: DD was ready to go and waiting downstairs with her stuff packed. DD, Diana,Max and I made our way out the door to the car. We drove to the shopping center at the end of the street and Diana dashed into Barnes & Noble to pick up a book for her 90-year-old stepfather. While she was in the store, DD, Max and I had some lighthearted conversation. DD was looking at all the stores and mentioned some that she liked. I said we could come over and walk around anytime during her future visits. DD commented that The Gap as hiring and she joked that it was unfortunate because she needed a job and would like to work there, but it was too far away from her house. 10 minutes later, Diana came out and we made our way to our next stop.
1:30pm: Arrived at Diana’s brothers house for a birthday party for Diana's stepfather. Diana’s oldest son Jack was there also and greeted all of us. DD talked to Jack a little and we went inside. DD expressed she was worried about being late to her 2:30pm rehearsal. I reassured her that we would just go in, say hello and go and that we would have plenty of time to get her there. She said okay, went in and said a quick hello to Diana’s brother, his wife & their baby. After a moment we left to go to DD's rehearsal.
1:40pm: Had a good conversation on our way to DD’s rehearsal. We talked about school and summer vacation. I said very generally that this was going to be a great year and that I was confident once everything was worked out between her mom and I that we (DD and I) would have a great time.
2:10pm: Arrived at rehearsal location. I helped DD carry in her stuff, took her in to where she needed to go, gave her a hug and told her I loved her. She said she loved me too. I reminded her that her mother was supposed to pick her up, but just in case she needed me, to text Diana and let us know since I was still blocked from DD's phone. She said she would call if needed. I left CSU and drove home.
2:30pm: I received a long, rambling email from Circe critiquing my visit with my daughter and “how DD really feels about me” (posted in full, below). (I forwarded the email to my attorney later that night.)
7:05pm: Diana's sister-in-law is in charge of nursing education at a prominent local hospital and offered to interview DD for a paid summer internship. I sent DD this information via Facebook and informed her that the information needed for this program needed to be in by the following Friday. I let her know that I would help her with whatever she needed to get the information in on time. (DD never responded to this. I found out later that her mother refused to let her be part of the internship program, and DD soon lost interest in nursing altogether.)
Circe writes a long letter to John to tell him what she and DD really think of him, and how angry she is that DD came to his house for parenting time. The accusations Circe makes in this e-mail about John not wanting to have parenting time with DD are blatently untrue and are part of Circe's addiction to gaslighting and the belief that if she claims something is true, it must be true.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
John,
Now that I am confident that there is no possibility that my lack of consideration of you will not get me into any hot water with the court, I feel comfortable sending this email to you. There is no law that says I have to like you. There is no law that says I may not express my opinion TO you About you. I am not putting my words into the newspaper. Or sending them to your friends or employer. These words are intended for you alone, and I feel I have the right to state my opinions, even if for the last time, because your actions have warranted a response. If it were not for your inaccurate comments and negative impact on DD, I truly would not waste my time. But, when you make statements that are untrue, I have always found it necessary for my self respect to respond and defend myself. And I have never truly begrudged you the opportunity to do the same. Except when I came up with my brilliant idea to pretend I didn't get your email! Shoot ! If only I had noticed sooner that the information I had copied and pasted had details in it that made it nonplausible. It almost worked. Ha.
Anyway, that is the basic reason I feel for why we fight.
You say things that are not true in my opinion. I say things that you feel are wrong. We defend ourselves. It turns into a fight.
To me, that definition explains everything in our past. If we were able to turn our egos into compassion, it would all end.
But, neither one of us can do that when it comes to each other. And that is why we have no business, what so ever, having any communication with each other except where it concerns DD. But, even topics surrounding her cause us to exceed our boundaries. Your drama surrounding her pothole problem is a perfect example. No one asked for your input on how I had to handle things. Yet, you felt it was ok to yell at DD, make her cry, get me mad, add insults where they were completely unwarranted...it just needs to stop.
Now, it is completely true that you have not answered a phone call from me in over 2 years I believe. (Note from John: it had actually been 9 months since I went No Contact w/Circe except via e-mail or text message.)
And it is true that you ignore my requests for communication to clarify legitimate topics like dates, times, questions, concerns, etc...(Untrue.)
But I can not go back and change your history. Those were your choices. Hopefully, you will follow the order and realize it isn't a good idea to ignore a phone call when it concerns your daughter.
So,
I have added my responses to your statements with in the body of your letter. Read them within the paragraph and it will make more sense.
I would first like to mention that since you begged me three times to respond to you via email, I am going to oblige. But this is hopefully my last email to you, if I can help it. I am hoping you don't ever expect me to respond to another email. My true hope is that you just stop sending them. I truly do not care about your opinion. I do not care what you think...I only value the opinion of people I respect, and you do not fit into that category.
By now, you will have noticed that your daughter has been a pleasant angel while in your and Diana's presence. That is because she has a heart of gold and would rather be kind than be rude or disrespectful. It was a conscious decision for her to be nice to you guys. She did not want to have to deal with being in your apartment,but because she is a good person, she always does the right thing. And because she understood that grandma and I were ready to pick her up in a second's notice if you or Diana mistreated her, she felt more safe and calm.
Plus, she knows that if she does behave in a way that Diana doesn't approve of, Diana will go bizzerk and she doesnt want to be subjected to that ever again. DD KNOWS you won't defend her and will only stick up for Diana anyway. Because that is YOUR history!
Unfortunately for DD, due to basic human nature, no matter what a complete jerk you have been to her , and no matter how TOTALLY non-deserving you are of her loyalty, some part of her still wants to be shown that you love her. The problem she faces, every day of her life,for as long as she can remember, is the question of wondering why you don't find her worthy of your attention. (unless she conveniently fits into your schedule. which is hardly ever)
"why doesn't dad love me enough to make me a priority?" That is the saddest thing I have ever heard come out of that poor girl;s mouth, and quite frankly, I hate you for that.
But because she is choosing to be respectful, you are going to run around and say, " see....everything is fine...Circe was just making stuff up....DD isn't mad at me...Everything is great"
No, John....
All that you are witnessing is a young girl who is mature enough, and wise enough, to know that you WILL NEVER CHANGE
You will be a lousy father for the rest of your life. And she has to either accept you as you are , or stay out of your life. And because she truly loves you,,,,, (because you are her father), she is willing to see you and be as nice as she can, because it is better than the alternative ...which is being totally rejected by her dad...more....since you have already done 10 life time's worth of rejecting the poor girl.!
Of course, it wouldn't hurt for you to thank me for teaching her how to be respectful, and the hundred other things that I taught her while you were out playing gigs and anything else that kept you away...Oh, wait. I forgot. You don't believe I have done a good job raising our daughter...that's right. I forgot, I am a bad parent...shooot....i keep forgetting that. darn. what was I thinking. ?
You think you should get credit for how well she turned out...Because, ya know, all the days you were with her (that added up to about a year and a half of her 16 years)(Note: DD was 15 at this time) has made such a positive impact on her and taught her so much NOT !!!
The only thing you and Diana teach her is how NOT to be!.
So to answer your question that you ask me all the time, "if i am such a shitty parent, why do you keep expecting me to see DD?"
Well, since you are obviously too out-to-lunch to figure out this answer, I will help you.
SHE
SHE
SHE
SHE
SHE
SHE
wants you to be a dad. DD has told me that the only reason you want to take me to court is to WIN,,,,Seeing her is just a side-note...you just want ME to lose and YOU to WIN!
Wow, that is really pathetic. sad but true, she is right.
Up until recently, however, for what ever reason, I kept pretending you may learn to be a father. Not as good of a dad as my first husband Jeff or Bob, but at least someone who didn't make things worse! Just, sort of benign and neutral, I guess.
But, Never in a million years had I ever imagined you were capable of saying and doing the things you have said and done to my poor daughter. You should be ashamed of yourself! If you heard yourself in that tape I made, You would be appalled! Or at least, you should be anyway. If not, there is seriously something wrong with you.
I had given you the opportunity to see her WHEN EVER you decided to MAKE THE TIME for her ....which was hardly ever, but that is another story and only you can figure out when you are going to get around to reading it.
I have wasted BEYOND too much of my life on trying to show you how to be a dad.
My point is this......DD is dying inside wishing you would change. But, she is willing to accept you for any tiny amount of attention that you sparingly give her, and that is just plain tragic ! BECAUSE SHE DESERVES BETTER!
If DD didn't want you to try and change and be a good dad to her, I wouldn't have ever pushed the issue of you seeing her. I think you are a bad influence on her and it takes a few days after she sees you to go back to being her usual self. I wouldn't encourage her to see you one minute if it wasn't for the fact that she wants to see you. So, stop acting like I have changed my story. My story has always been the same. Your inability to stop your selfish behavior has always hurt my daughter. Everyone that cares about DD has told you the same thing. But, once Diana came into the picture, it got 10 times worse. And I had no desire to send her to where she was being mistreated. I did, however, still encourage you to come pick her up and take her on visits between just the two of you at my house. But, you couldn't do that! God, no, that wasn't going to happen....How dare DD and I even suggest it.?
It was way more important you force Diana on DD even though you knew damn well it was traumatic for DD to see you with a girlfriend. But what did you care??? No, it was easier for you to make up crap about me, and discredit your daughter's opinion, and your family's opinion...and only listen to Diana feed your head with what a terrible daughter DD was. AND YOU BELIEVED IT! and SHOVED it down DD's innocent throat every chance you got! I have texts where you called my daughter spoiled. ! WHAT KIND OF A DAD DOES THAT??? The only person that is spoiled here is YOU!
You have no idea how much I regret telling you you were DD's dad. I would give ANYTHING if I had NEVER told you I was pregnant with her. You don't deserve to have such a fantastic daughter. You earned NOTHING but have been given everything. Come to think of it, I think your dad feels that way about the money he has given you....but, I digress.
You have been nothing but an enormous disappointment to DD and my other children! They are all so disgusted with your behavior concerning Diana, they can barely talk about it. I swear, DD's sister would spit in your face if she ever had the chance. And up until now, I thought she was incapable of hating anyone! But, I truly believe she hates you. Every time she hears another story about you from DD or I, that poor girl breaks down in tears. You think your behavior doesn't effect any one! But, it is hurting EVERYONE!
And you have the NERVE to criticize us! My ex-husband Jeff and Bob and ex-boyfriend Greg and me....All of us.... for having to raise DD because you wouldn't ! Never a "thank you"/ Never "I am sorry".. Everyone tolerated you being around for DD's sake. My ex-husband Jeff is the only true DAD in DD's life. But, he constantly stood aside to give you the opportunity to step in to the be the dad. And Bob too.
But, no. You didn't take those opportunities. You couldn't do that. You were just way too busy. And made sure your world was way too full to take time to be the dad. So the very people who help her to be the dad-figures in her life and the VERY PEOPLE YOU CRITICIZE??? You are not only lazy, YOU ARE UNGRATEFUL on top of it !!!!!
Forget it. I am speaking to a brick wall. Like DD repeated of you, "why does your mom only call me when she needs something, DD? She has plenty of people in her life to help her"....and DD says, "ummmm, because I am YOUR daughter???"
If that isn't a comment stated by a loser, I don't know what is! DD and I just laugh at your ignorance anymore, because there is nothing else left to do. You don't get how to be a parent, You will never get how to be a parent. You are a waste of our time.
So, Like I said...I put my responses to your formal, court worthy letter down below.
Here is your letter: "This e-mail is a carbon copy of what I sent you last night in regards to DD's visitation for this weekend. As you will see it covers the details for the weekend so you can't say you didn't know I was picking her up. I am not sure you read it since you and Bob decided to joke around and send me delivery failure messages the first time I sent it so please take this very seriously and read this document now. Most important, once you have read this letter it must be confirmed IN WRITING."
This statement is incorrect. I have no idea why you wasted everyone's time by making it. Bob and my attorney have better things to do than to babysit you, John. And your reasons for sending text messages to DD where you said to her, "I don't know if I can pick you up tonight because MOM didn't reply". Drama drama drama! I told DD you were flat out lying, you wasted my time, you put DD in the middle for no reason, it accomplished nothing. Cut the crap.
Your messages are intended to accomplish one of two things. A) get everyone upset. B) put words in writing that attempt to make you look responsible, even though your actions prove other wise.
You have no one to blame for losing your ability to call or text DD except yourself. We should have blocked you months ago and I regret that Bob didn't.
By you stating that you understand the details that were presented (specifically that DD will be at your house for the weekend) and that you comply with this, good news: your "demands" are nothing more than requests. I do what my attorney says I need to do. You?? I ignore.
You wrote, "Yes this will cost us both money that we don't have but sadly, because of my lack of trust in coming to any level of good faith verbal agreement with you at this point, this must happen. I do not want to be worried about what kind of stress or drama you could cause me while I am spending time with my daughter. I want to concentrate on our time and not be worrying about what you could do."
This is good news for DD.....seeing as how she has only been asking for you to take her requests for this seriously for over 2 years. It is a shame that you are such a slow learner. But, once again, your absence has zero to do with me, and everything to do with your and Diana's actions, so it is no one's problem to fix but your own.
You wrote, "Circe, you talk about wanting to do good for your daughter and wanting me to spend time with her. Do the right thing here and take care of this as soon as possible."
No one understands what you are referring to here? You, and only you, made the choices so that you would not see DD for months and months. What "right thing" are you asking me to do? What? you want me to drive to your house and help you get in the car and drive to my house to see her? My role was never not being fulfilled, John. I can't make you drive to come see DD. It was always your choice not to show up. Not mine!
You wrote, "If you do not feel like you should have to do this please let me know. I will inform DD of your decision and you can explain your reason as to why you would not want to do this for her."
Here, let me finish your sentence here, I think you forgot to: "I will inform DD of your decision..........do this for her....because my only goal in this whole exercise is to make you look bad in any way I possibly can , even if I have to invent the evidence"
You said, "I am looking forward to seeing her especially because we will have extra time on Saturday due to her rehearsal being on Sunday.
Well you won't get to see her anymore. Period.
You wrote, "I honestly cannot believe this whole thing has gotten to this point. However looking back at the threats you've made, the menacing emails, voicemails and texts you sent me (and to DD while she was visiting me here), the kidnapping allegations you made against me and the police reports you filed, all over the past year, it reminds me why I must be formal about it."
Let's clear something up once and for all, John:
(Note from John: The following story is about the time I took Diana and DD to meet some of my long-time family friends for their 4th of July pool party when DD was 14 years old. DD and my friend's oldest son are the same age and had been close since birth. Contrary to Circe's claim below, plans had been made for weeks and she knew which day the party was. Also, it was my weekend for parenting time. DD was really looking forward to the party, but Circe became furious when she realized Diana was going along and tried to stop me from taking DD with us. At my house on the way out the door, Circe called DD on her cell phone and threatened to ground her for a entire month if she dared to go to the party with me. DD burst into tears and crumpled into Diana's arms, crying uncontrollably. Diana tried to console her while Circe and I roared at each other over the phone. Finally, getting nowhere, I just hung up the phone and we left. Circe got in her car and chased us halfway to my friend's house, sent DD a text message to tell her that she was no longer allowed to see her boyfriend for daring to defy her, then threatened to call the police and tell them I kidnapped DD. I had to turn off my phone and DD's phone completely for the day to stop the continued harassment from Circe. This is the biggest example of gaslighting I have in writing. It's amazing how Circe tries to twist this story around, a year and a half later:)
You gave me TWO days advance notice that you wanted DD on JULY 4th (2010)! And I agreed, but I asked that the visit didn't interrupt the plans DD and I had with Tracy and DD's friend, McKenzie for the same weekend.
But, because you can't READ A CALENDAR, you had THE WRONG DAY OF THE WEEK, you took DD on the WRONG DAY than that you had asked for. And when I tried to explain that you couldn't take her because you are not allowed to just waltz in and change plans, you ignored me. You thought you had the right DAY, but you had the WRONG DATE !!! So you asked for the 4th, I said ok to the 4th, but that is NOT THE DATE you obviously meant to ask for....If you would have said the day, I would have said, "That is Saturday. We already have plans for Saturday."....and what would have been the end of the story. But that is not the day the 4th fell! July 4th was a SUNDAY !!!!
So, because you are too stupid to read a calendar, you screwed up everything!
DD knew she had plans to go see McKenzie, but because you lied to her and said you had everything all worked out with me (which you really didn't, because you asked for the wrong date!), she thought she was suppose to go with you instead of going to McKenzie's .. .....BUT, then, you turned around and lied TO ME by telling a different story !...
"DD wants to go with us....so I am taking her" you said
DD had NO IDEA that she didn't Have to go ! Because you told her you had it worked out with me.....BUT you Didn't....! You had your days wrong, you fucked up everything, you didn't have the maturity to admit you were wrong, you took my daughter from her home, out of the county. In the car you and your loser girlfriend complained about me, in front of DD, intentionally for DD to hear, for an entire car ride and an entire visit with Jane and Tom....ALL of which was 100% out of the confinements of the divorce agreement,,,,and YOU have the nerve to think I didn't have the right to call the police???
And the ONLY REASON I DIDN'T call the police was because I felt sorry for DD that she would have had to see her father pulled over by the police. She didn't deserve that. But you don't really care if DD sees drama, because the entire day was nothing but drama !
And then you were too stupid to realize that you screwed up and it wasn't until DD and I talked AFTER that day was over, that DD and I were able to figure out where the screw up happened. SHE was the one that put the pieces together, because YOU TOLD HER the same WRONG DATE TOO!!!!!! How can any "adult" be so irresponsible????
(And you wonder why I worry about her being with you? Why I have to call to see if she is ok??? DD use to tell me all the time, "don't worry about me when I am with dad. I can take care of myself."
Back to that day.........
So, I get upset with DD because I assumed she chose to blow off her plans with Tracy, McKenzie and I . But, it wasn't her choice at all, It was yours. Because you screwed up, lied, and bullied to get what you wanted.
And because I didn't know yet that it was YOUR choice and NOT HERS, I told her it was rude of her to change plans and decide to go with her dad when we had had our plans made for weeks. And, my words upset her terribly. But I never would have said them if I had known YOU were the one who MADE HER GO (on the wrong day!)
And you saw her crying....but NOT because of the reasons you think!!! You and captain control freak, Diana, thought I was saying things to intentionally make her cry! I was saying things with the misconception that SHE chose to go with you.....BUT THAT WASN'T THE CASE WAS IT John?????
No! SHE WAS CRYING because YOU TOLD HER I said she could go! (Ya, i SAID she could go... ON SUNDAY THE 4TH! LIke YOU asked for !!! But, you are so clueless, you tell everyone the wrong date, and your claim of , "mom said it is ok" was FALSE!. it was ok for SUNDAY! So, one minute, poor DD is thinking, " mom said I could go with dad. Now she is telling me I am rude for going with dad! NO WONDER SHE WAS CRYING !!!!! You FOOL ! You put her in a situation that confused her, upset everyone, put her in the middle and created a mess....
So, she had no idea what she did wrong...All she knew was that Dad said "mom said you could go" and then the next minute, mom was mad she went.....
And WHY????
BECAUSE YOU FUCKED UP EVERYTHING and wouldn't admit your mistake!!!!!!!!!
Yet, you want to blame everyone else for your screw up!
Do you get it yet, John?????
YOU SCREWED UP THE WHOLE THING!!! BLAMED ME!!! AND THEN MADE YOUR DAUGHTER BE SUBJECTED TO HAVING TO BE IN THE CAR WHILE YOUR DRAMA PLAYED OUT BECAUSE YOU REFUSED TO BRING MY DAUGHTER BACK WHEN YOU DIDN"T HAVE PERMISSION TO TAKE HER!!!!!! If there could have been jail time to be had due to stupidity, than you deserved it that day! My husband Bob was right to encourage me to call the police for you taking her with out my permission for that Saturday. But, I choose not to for DD's sake. And you can't even begin to understand yet how you created all of it and I did you a favor by not turning you in.
But you and Diana think you are above the law about everything, so that day was just more of the same arrogance that so defines your every action.
The visitation agreement that you so conveniently refer too, (only when it suites your agenda ) says clearly you are not allowed to make plans with out notice and just announce you are taking DD from her residence with out permission. But, you ignored that.
Just like you ignored me when I told you Diana wasn't permitted in DD's room under any circumstances. You want the police report, John? It is public record. Knock yourself out.
Talk to the Mayfield police dept. The office told me, point blank, Diana was NOT permitted in that room once I said she couldn't go in.
Period. You don't like that fact??? TAKE IT UP WITH THE POLICE!
And when I relayed the 4th of July story to him that same evening, he agreed about your screw up on the 4th! YOU BROKE THE LAW> When you took her from my house with out permission, out of the county with out my permission, that constitutes my claim of kidnapping. So, go whine to someone else that thinks you are exaggerating about my claim. Because the truth is, you, by all terms and definitions, kidnapped her that day. And to pretend you did anything short of that is simply another example of you and Diana's arrogance and ignorance.
kid•nap
[kid-nap] Show IPA
verb (used with object), -napped or -naped, -nap•ping or -nap•ing.
to steal, carry off, or abduct by force or fraud, especially for use as a hostage.
AND LET THE WORD FRAUD BE UNDERSCORED HERE!
You wrote: "All I can do is hope that you will do this first thing for your daughter in the process of moving forward. I know she is already really upset about things that have been happening lately between both of us. I will text DD in the morning explaining to her what is going on and that I am waiting for your response LATELY???? Just LATELY??? really????
.i.e.I will text DD in the morning and continue to include her in all the things happening that we were told by the judge not to include her in...again...
You wrote, "I am sincerely asking you to respond to this email with a clear plan of what you will do. I hope you decide to send a document to your attorney stating that you agree and comply with the document my attorney submitted to him about regular parenting time. If not then I am afraid I will have to let DD know that I cannot pick her up because of your decision and we will have to deal with more disappointment and anger in our daughter. Right now I am planning on picking her up from Riverside tomorrow night and keeping her for the weekend as discussed in the document. Whether or not that happens is your decision to make. I will await your response and hope that you will do what we need to do to move forward."
Also, let me take a minute to address another one of your cute sad attempts to upset me. Three times you mentioned,
You said, "DD and I are going to see Dr. Carolyn....AND YOU ARENT INVITED..."
na na naaa naa waaahhh....
if you recall, I am the one who suggested TO YOU that you take DD with you to Dr. Carolyn. I am not the problem, so why one earth would I be upset for not being in the meeting?? I don't have a problem of any kind with DD. I am not the one who needs help here. YOU are the one who has all of the repair work to do. And if you think I have any interest in going into your appointment to sit and listen to your warped version of what you THINK is happening, you are crazy. DD told me herself, "I can't wait to see what dad has said to her that is completely Wrong"..
pretty sad.
And unlike you, I didn't need to worry about controlling what Dr. Carolyn thinks by going in and filling her head with only one side of the story like you did. DD knows the truth. DD will speak the truth. I have no fears about what kind of mother I am. I have all the evidence I need in my 4 fantastic children. I get constant, daily reassurance from other parents, teachers, friends and family that confirms my dedication to my kids paid off. It is a shame that you believe you don't owe me at least a thank you. My first husband Jeff and I thank each other all the time for the fantastic job each other has done for our kids. And I remember when I could say the same thing to you once in a while when DD would have a good day with you......shame I haven't been able to say that since she was in 6th grade!
DD and I fix our issues on the spot. as they happen.
She tells me what she thinks, I confirm it as valid or not,
........and ....then, John....i do this really weird, odd, unusually rare thing.....it is new, so I understand if you don't know what to make of it....
but it is called,
Ready???
Apologize.....
I know that is a big word...break it up into a few letters at a time.
A po lo gi ze...
Good,
Now, go look it up. It is amazing how it makes the other person feel when you attempt this sort of healing.....
Enjoy your visit with Dr Carolyn.
Don't be surprised when your daughter acts 10X more mature than you. She is use to it by now.
There, John.
You begged for a response to your letter? There, you got one.
It probably wasn't what you wanted, but it is everything you deserved.
I don't give a crap about how you have mistreated me, disrespected me, used me, treated me without concern, took advantage of my willingness to put myself second and my kids first....how you show no gratitude for how hard I try to be the best mom possible to your daughter....forget all that. This hate for you has nothing to do with how you treat me. I have come to expect it from someone like you.
But,
I will never forgive you for what you have done to hurt my daughter.
the only reason you are getting visitation is because the law says you are entitled to it. That is because the law is not aware of what kind of a person you are.
Now,
do what you always do...and go tell everyone how poor John got yelled at by mean Circe.
and don't forget to tell DD that I quoted one of the 10,000 negative feelings she has for you. Because, you know, that is so productive and doesn't do anything to stress her out or anything. because after all, your selfish self serving ego is the only thing that matters here. And it is more important that you put a band aid on your ego and try to make me look bad in DD's eyes than it is to just take your medicine and hear these words and DO something to fix your actions. After all, the only thing you are doing is ignoring a contract given by the court that says you aren't suppose to involve her...shhhesssh, no big deal. right?
So, run around and show this letter to everyone. Because, god knows, it isn't like you can handle your personal problems on your own or anything.
Oh ya, HI Diana.
Trust me
I have written my last hateful word.(Note from John: BIG lie.)
It is consuming me. I hate how I feel when I think about you. Or have to write you. Or deal with this court case. Or deal with anything involving you.
I told you no more texts messages and I have stuck to my word.
I told you no more email responses after this, and I will try my level best to show self control and stop it.
But, I needed to get my thoughts out one last time.....because DD told me you have some warped idea that the reason I don't change my last name to my husband's name is because i still have feelings for you... hahahahahahhahaha. God, that is the craziest thing I have ever heard!
So this nasty letter will be my last attempt at making sure you don't have a single question in your mind about how I feel about you...
I couldn't have a positive feeling for you, John, if you were the last human alive.
I keep Smith as my last name because DD keeps Smith. When she no longer has that last name, I will change mine and not a minute sooner.
I am sorry you can't comprehend sacrifices for the sake of your child. It is really the world's best feeling to be willing to do anything for the sake of your child knowing it makes them happy. I actually feel sorry for you that you have never had that experience.
DD has her Nurse Aid Volunteering training on Feb 7th. She will get her exact scheduled times then. This isn't some random, open-ended, show up when you feel like, schedule. And there is no "end date" to her work. She and I will volunteer there indefinitely, until she needs to make changes because of her regular (paid) work schedule.
As she continues her work there, she will be promoted to work on the nursing floors and in the Emergency Dept. This sort of experience is going to be invaluable to her college endeavors. If you think you are going to force her to miss her Saturday responsibility just to visit you, than you are incorrect in your assumption. She has made this commitment (that is when a person says that they can be counted on to do something and then they follow through with it)
I am dropping her off at the hospital on Saturdays on my way to teach. Then, I pick her up and take her to music rehearsal. That is our plan for every Saturday. That was before you decided you were going to now start seeing her again. So, instead, you can get her there at 8 on Saturday and then take her to COYO on your weekends.
I will not be doing the second part of your driving anymore after this weekend.
It was your choice to move. I do ALL of the driving during the other 26 days of the month. You can drive her home after her visits. Period. And since you have been doing it this way all along, Bob said the judge will see that as our "pattern" and that is what will stay in place.
You don't need my verbal permission to bring DD home early during your visits. She is 16, for God's sake. (Note: DD is 15)Stop acting like she can't be by herself if you bring her home early. It only proves how little you know about your daughter. I am not going to make a fuss about getting my daughter back home early to the court! That would be shooting myself in the foot! I WANT her home. Why on earth would I complain about such a thing. You forcing DD in the car the other day to "make sure she sends me a text to let your mom know we're going to be late! Ask HER to send a text back"...... God you just put her in the middle AGAIN. What is wrong with you?
We have managed her schedule for 16 years with out your help. We don't need it now. You never agree to help us when we ask anyway, so nothing is going to change there.
It is true, I sure spent a lot of time asking for your help. But, the bottom line is, you rarely, rarely gave it. Five times a year at best! You simply were never willing to be there... That is your history. Sorry you don't like that we can't depend on you for anything, but it is because you simply aren't dependable. And according to your comments, "why does mom ask me to help you guys" , it appears that you don't want to anyway. So, by all means, being her home early any time. Or don't pick her up at all. You will get no argument from me!
bye John. Don't ask for anymore emails from me. The only reason I felt safe to unload all these issues in this letter was because I may never have my words heard again. It is a waste of time to try and get you to see another side to any story. I am a fool for trying. And even though I left out about 500 other examples of how you have disappointed all of us, I at least know you realize now that you are 100% off target if you fantasize that I have feelings for you....hahhaha. God, I can't even say it with out laughing. When DD told me that, I thought Bob and I were going to burst our stomachs laughing.
I think now that your confusion in the matter has been cleared up. Right?
good luck John.
bye